The tide is high but I'm holding on, I'm gonna be MY number one

     This post probably relates closely to my previous post, "Just Say No." Yes, yes, I'm a people pleaser. I hate for people to be mad at me or mad at each other. However, if I'm going to take control of my life I need to stop it all. I've realized that sometimes you just have to look our for number one. Actually it's what has to come first most of the time.
     Initially, the thought of this made me feel overwhelmingly guilty. I've finally realized that it's nothing to feel ashamed of. If I don't start looking out for myself and my problems, they're only going to get worse and worse. Then what will I have left to offer friends or my relationship?....only more stresses and issues. In order to be able to give you must have. My problem has always been that I give too prematurely. I want to share so badly that when I have I immediately give. Then what happens? I have to turn right back around and ask for assistance. Doesn't make much sense and it's a cycle I'm sick of.
     I need sleep. I need groceries. I need my bills paid on time. I need to go back to school. I need, I need, I need....these aren't wants. I'm not being selfish. In all actuality I'm being anything but selfish. I'm not in a position to be the people pleaser right now. I need all these things under control so I can give all I want to give to give to my family, friends, and boyfriend. If I want to be able to be that person who can give and be reliable I must first be a little selfish and disciplined. I can only hope those who love me will understand and try to help support this little transformation. Love you all!

Just Say No

     I have recently had a small revelation about myself, thanks to one of my fabulous new roommates! I give into things too easily. We were outside talking about our week and she just randomly said, "You know Helen, you don't need to give in so easily and you apologize way too much." This isn't the first time I've heard this conclusion. I guess it's the first time I've actually given it some thought though.
     I've always been a yes type of girl. "Let's go out!" My response: alright! "Can you take me (blank)?" My response: sure. Etc. I like to see people smile and I definitely like everyone to be happy. I think for the most part this could be considered a pretty good quality to have. I'm pretty easy going and as long as everyone is smiling and happy I'm completely content. However, I was recently in the position where my "yes" attitude put two important people and myself in a pretty uncomfortably situation. I had forgotten about securing a Friday night girls night with a friend. I realized I had work early the following Saturday.
    Anyways, I called my beau after work and informed him I was not planning on going out. Shocked and proud he said, "Helen are you sure you aren't going to change your mind?" I laughed and said I can resist. He had to finish up with some online poker stuff so I told him I was going over to hang out with a friend for a bit. When I got to my friend's house welcomed me with a big "wooo friday night girls night!" Whoops! Now what was I to do. My first thought was not what I wanted to do, but instead what could I do to keep both of these people happy? Long story short, we all got short tempered with each other and the more stressful things go, the more they both looked at me to make a decision on how Friday night was going to play out.
     My man finally said, "Look what do YOU want to do tonight?" Okay, okay, anyone knows that is a LOADED question from both sides. I had double booked and now whatever decision I made, in their minds, was going to be a bold statement of choosing one person over the other. Thankfully things worked out and it ended up being better for me and my man to hang out Saturday. However, I wish that I had not subjected myself to this "damned if I do, damned if I don't" standoff. Two things could have prevented my anxiety: #1 Being a little more organized with my plans. #2 Being able to simply recognize what I wanted to do and putting it out there.
     I have let my "yes, if it keeps you happy" attitude for so long that it's become hard for me to determine what I prefer sometimes. "Where do you want to eat?" My response: I don't care, you choose. "What movie do you want to see?" My response: "Didn't you say you wanted to see (blank)? Yes, I am feisty at times, and no, I'm not scared to confront people when needed. But honestly, it's about time for me to revoke my position as the people pleaser. This little girl is going to start practicing her "No's" and her "do it yourself's." No, I'm not going to turn into the super bitch....I'm just going to work on not being a push over.....at least not all the time!
    

Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

     I'm the type of person who is constantly trying to improve who I am. This is NOT implying that some spectacular person. I mean simply that I am not blind to my flaws and I battle with them often, openly and admittedly. However, recently as my struggles slowly begin to subside I'm gradually recognizing some of my accomplishments and attributes.
     No, I haven't had to face any insane obstacles. However, I've said it many times, and I truly believe that everyone's struggles are relative to their own personal life and experiences. A girl experiencing a high school break up can feel just as much pain as a woman going through a divorce after being married for 20 years. This isn't to say that the high school girl can't look to the older woman's experience and find a little comfort in the idea that "things could always be worse."
     Anyways, I'll try to cut back on the extra babel and move on towards my point. My point is simply this:  Although, my struggles may not be deemed "Lifetime Movie" worthy, or significant compared to what other people may have tackled in history, they have been struggles to me all the same and I'm proud to say I've had the strength to pull myself through them.
     I have definitely had help from amazing people. But, however vain this may sound, I can even give myself a nice pat on the back for those helping hands. People, unfortunately, do not just randomly help each other out. Therefore, I can assume that I have given something to my friends and people I have come into contact with to receive such support and love in return.
     My struggles (although comparable to most average 22 year old woman trying to make it on her own financially and eventually work up to sending herself back to school) are my struggles to claim. Each crack in my "plan" I have tripped over, each hurdle that was unexpectedly raised 2 inches too high, each emotional roller coaster that sent me into shock has left my soul with scars. I proudly wear these scars, because they scream things like "I made it!" "I healed!" and even "Is that all you've got?"
     Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to pull on heart strings or play the victim. I'm responsible for a BUNCH of these struggles. In some cases, I pretty much placed the obstacles directly on my path. What can I say? I learn the hard way. Sometimes I could kick myself for it but more than often, I wouldn't have it any other way.
     I've met so many people, felt so many different depths of emotion, and had to make so many positive alterations to my outlook on people and life that I can't even begin to count or list them. I don't think I would have experienced half of these things or made so many transformations if I hadn't done things the "hard way." There's something special about words of wisdom, but there's something irreplaceable about first hand knowledge and experience.


      I figured I'd list some of the words of wisdom from some people very dear to my heart that have held me accountable, and kept me motivated through my struggles the past few years.

This man to the left is the Kell to my Keenin, he's my brother and I'm his Ace. Our friendship was instantly formed after a late night trip to MacDonald's. We have each other's backs no matter what, no questions asked. Some things that he has said that have really kept me going and eased my mind have been the following....
"Yo, Ace, don't even worry about those girls. They're mistaking your kindness for weakness."
"You know whatever you decide, I have your back."
I truly consider him my brother. Unconditional love and support no matter what storm hits. He is a husband to an awesome lady, Karen, who I also immediately loved. I am super lucky he chose a woman who has welcomed our friendship with open arms. I am insanely thankful for God blessing him with a great woman, and me with a great friend. They have recently created the most precious and beautiful little angel I have ever seen, who I CANNOT wait to meet! (hint hint....come down here you two!)

This is Chelsea, I believe we met at a "Maracas" party, surprisingly enough. I think we had a 2 or 3 minute conversation before our kindred souls exchanged numbers. I couldn't pick a quote because this woman is too full of wisdom that it's hard to nail just one inspiration down. However, I will never forget the book she let me borrow, "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of the Woman's Soul." She said, "I really think you'd get a lot out of this book." I haven't finished it yet (a year later), but it's my favorite book to find comfort and confidence in when I'm feeling down. Honestly this girl rocks and the way she lives and her smile alone is inspiration and motivation enough. Her pure heart and kindness truly radiate when she graces people with her smile....which fortunately for the rest of us is very often!

     Brittany Livingston, you flipping rock! This girl and I formed our friendship while both of us were dating the "Playas." We were both dating two of the most aggressive smooth talkers at AASU. Girls loved to make us uncomfortable and we found refuge in our mutual dislike for blatant bitchiness. We have maintained our friendship for going on three years now. Definitely another kindred spirit of mine, who can understand me at all times, through anything. I love her independent nature and she's kept me going by saying things like:
"You and I have a lot to offer, Helen. Don't settle for anyone who doesn't recognize that."
"We can do anything. We're so young!"
The display of courage she showed by moving to NY alone still amazes and inspires me. She dropped everything and moved, just because she could and had an urge. You go girl! You're as strong as you are stubborn and I hope you never ever change! Don't tolerate those mean girls, keep following your heart, and keep dancing on your journey.

Although I originally had a picture from our high school days (before we could legally drive), I figured I valued my life enough not to ask for a death wish. I felt this picture equally as appropriate considering is obviously shows our love for cheap beer and a laugh (something that bonded us even further later in life)! I think knowing that Devon would mutilate anyone who attacks me emotionally or physically is enough to lend me comfort. Knowing that a friend would charge at a small elephant (ask and you shall receive the story behind this), is all the comfort in the world I need when dealing with "bitches and hos." This is a friend since I was the young age of 8 and I don't see that fading anytime in the future. She's has a peaceful and quiet soul combined with a Joan of Ark ish strength and a love for a good time with good company and cold beer =)

This is Crystal. We are kind of in a tiff right now (kind of may be an understatement). However, it would be highly inappropriate for me to right about support and not include this feisty woman. Our personalities, which were obvious contrasts, surprisingly clung to each other dearly this summer and year. I think we shocked each other by forming such a strong bond and putting up with things that we wouldn't normally tolerate from the average Joe (good and bad). This is a girl who has overcome more than I could imagine. Her story gives me strength, her attitude keeps me straight, and her compassion shocks me. I couldn't begin to think of just one sentence to display how she has motivated me or supported me.

One cool Mama! This is Miss Rebecca Redko. Although we haven't hung out too much, every time we have hung out, there has been something comfortable and familiar. She's another woman I truly gain inspiration from just because she is who she is and lives her life the way she does. She's an independent and determined woman, and from what I've seen, an OUT OF THIS WORLD mother of a beautiful ray of sunshine. I will never forget the day she extended her hand freely to me (unknown to her, just when I needed some support). She said something along the lines of: "If you ever want to talk or anything let me know. I know we don't know each other that well but for some reason I care about you. Guess I just get good vibes." (excuse me for paraphrasing)

This is definitely my "make me smile" woman. We were absolute enemies after our first encounter or two. We had it out for each other. I guess after a while we figured "if you can't beat em join em." This may sound awful. I will never expect anyone to understand our friendship, but it's a friendship dear to my heart none the less. We are understanding and loyal and we hang out a lot. She's happy when things go good in my life and has taught me to celebrate every little accomplishment in life, even as small as making it through a workday. I have never met someone with such a beautiful zest for life. I'm proud to call her my partner in crime! May the good times keep rolling!

     This is a Spaniard who is very dear to my heart. We have been up and down and had one roller coaster ride of a relationship at times. Thankfully, at the end of it all we have always managed to make it back to a good place. (Okay, enough serious talk or he'll be mad at me). He may think my recent blogging is "goofy" (as he's mentions once or twice after every post) but I absolutely have to mention him in this one. He's been there through some of my biggest struggles. He gives me his opinion but takes me for who I am. I tend to sweat the small stuff too much and he's always there to help me sort through it and point out that things aren't that bad. He's constantly telling me "Okay Helen, what can you do to fix it." This always has a magic affect on me. It immediately forces me to take a breath and actually THINK before I react or get all in a tizzy. He keeps me positive and motivated. He is definitely one of the most genuine men I have ever met. I know once I say this he will NEVER let it go, but it amazes me that a man only 23 years old can teach me something new every day, from cooking tricks, to opening my eyes to a new way to view life. I'm super proud of him all the time. He's a great athlete, keeps up with his schoolwork, and manages to put up with ME...what more could a girl ask for? Did I mention he's pretty handsome too?

     She may kill me for posting a throwback from high school. However, just wanted to give us some props for making through four years at an all girls, private, catholic high school. This is one loyal girl who has managed to turn stressful situation after stressful situation around and push forward through life. She's an insanely loving mother of a beautiful baby girl. She seems to continue smiling through the rain which is what I love most about her. I think one of the most inspiring things she has said to me went something like the following.
     "I'm lucky to be where I am. It may not be perfect but I'm not complaining." This attitude definitely struck me. I now keep in mind where my life could have gone if I hadn't pushed through the low points. Looking at the stresses and struggles you have managed to avoid and patting yourself on the back for it is sometimes A LOT healthier than focusing on only the mistakes you have made.

Drop it low girl, drop it, drop it low

     Last night was one of those nights that is embarrassing now, but in 2 or 3 years I'll have a good laugh with my friend........Okay who am I kidding? Last night was hilarious and I know it! My friend, Natalia , texted me some excited news that triggered our whole celebratory evening. "I got the house =D". (that equals sign and capital d is the smiley that let me knew she was ready to party). I could not wait to get off work to congratulate my home owning friend.

     We popped a bottle of wine as we decided what to wear. Danced around the apartment, even had somewhat of a wrestling match over Natalia insisting to take a nap. A NAP? On HER night? No fear, I was there to rescue her from that dreadful idea. After shaking her, dumping her off the bed, and playing air guitar with her leg to the blaring song "I believe In a Thing Called Love" she finally agreed....a nap just was not an option. So we did what we had to do (in case you aren't aware, that means we popped another bottle of wine and called our cabby).

     Hooray! Our cab driver arrived. As we took one last look in the mirror I realized how much more functional Natalia's outfit was than mine. "Shoot, I should wear jeans if we're going to be dancing tonight, plus it's a Wednesday...Why am in a dress?" Natalia knew what that meant....ANOTHER wardrobe change. She decided to assist me, "Those white jeans looked really cute the other night....wear those and lets go!" I quickly changed, and out the door we went.

     We met our friend Jordan (a.k.a Jodie) at Jazz'd (the sweetest tapas bar in Savannah) and had ourselves a bloody mary. It's always a good time when the 3 Musketeers are hanging out.  We had some pretty entertaining conversations. We talked about how "BM" would not be an appropriate nickname to order a bloody mary with. I notified them that I had to go to the bathroom, they laughed and said "what else is new." We talked about how Jordan is leaving us to go throw poop at monkeys in Texas, etc. Basically it was just three friends shooting the shit (yes pun intended). In all the commotion Natalia knocked over her glass. I breathed a sigh of relief, that was a close call for my white jeans. Natalia and I naturally celebrated by handing Hagan (our fabulous bartender) her blackberry to take some photos of us.

     We were on our 5oth picture retake since Hagan, although a wonderful bartender, is an awful photographer. All of a sudden, Natalia lost her balance and spilled blooy mary on my white jeans! Well, actually on my friend Devon's white jeans....which was even worse! However, that wonderful bartender I mentioned before , quickly brought me some seltzer water that washed that Zing Zang right out. I breathed a sigh of relief. We decided that was enough close calls in Jazz'd and we wanted to go dance. Off to Seed we went.
     Let me tell you, the base was pumping! My favorite, Savannah DJ was controlling the atmosphere. His name is DJ Cesar and he really rocks! You can find him at Seed and Crypt most nights!  There was somewhat of a dance battle going on in the middle of the floor. These guys could really break dance. They were doing all sorts of flips and spins. So OBVIOUSLY, I decided to battle.
     I cleared the circle, smiled, tilted my head to one shoulder then the next to loosen up a little and went in for the kill. A perfect handstand! Yes! I even did some walking and a dramatic twist on one hand to land in a cute pose seated gracefully on the floor one knee up and one leg (with a pointed toe) stretched in front. So it wasn't break dancing and I looked like a massive dork, but I got  some major props. One guy even took me aside and tried to teach me a few tricks.
     I finally left the battling to the professionals and went back to dancing with my friends. Natalia and I were really shaking our bootys off, afterall, this was a CELEBRATION. The song "Drop It Low" by Easter Dean ft. Chris Brown came on. Our hearts pumped faster, our hands reached to the ceiling and we let out a big "woooooo i love this song," which is the natural response at every song change. Something in that song inspired me....I told my self I was really going to drop it low. Please play it below so that you can experience the power of this song as you read over the following events.

ester dean drop it low remix feat. lil wayne chris brown trey songz and diddy

     I got my sexiest face on and jokingly gave my friend the "come hither finger" (come hither finger= when you extend your arm, palm facing up, make a fist, then extend your pointer finger and curl it up slowly a few times). Alright this was it...I was determined to give it my all. I dropped it low...success!!! As I stood back up, I got cocky. I was going to do it again, this time adding a few bounces. The first two bounces were executed perfectly, and I guess I decided I liked it down there. As I took my last bounce I heard a rip, even over all the music. I quickly stood up, squeezed my cheeks and turned my fanny to the wall. I turned to Natalia and our conversation and sights played out as follows:

H: "Oh my goodness...i just dropped it low"
N: " Yeah i saw, get it girl! woooo..!"


H: "No, no, no, Nataliaaaa.....I ripped my pants!"


N: "Bahahaha..."


H: "Is it bad?"

N: "bahahahahahahahahahahaha......."

H: "What are you laughing at? Now you have to rip yours."

N: What? Why?

H: "Nataliaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......iiiiit'll be fuuuuny.." (said in my most convincing voice)
 
     I won't go into details  but this conversation ended with a split and Natalia ripping both of her pants legs straight down the center of her upper thighs to her ankles. We continued to dance the night away (p.s. the bar was dark and you couldn't see my butt as long as I stayed standing). Needless to say, I kept to the fist pumping the rest of the night.

Valentine's Shmalentine's

     Valentine's day is so bitter sweet it's unbelievable. On one hand it's become trendy to flip the holiday the bird. Badass chicks, independent ladies, and and those just down with being a rebel seem so eager to pretend they could give two flips about Valentine's Day. I know I've been guilty of the same attitude.
     However I can also confess that when the day finally comes around, I'm turning every corner secretly hoping for some extravagant surprise! No matter how tough you want to appear, you know that on that day you're secretly hoping to be swept off your feet by your prince charming! Part of the reason girls have become so blase' about February 14th is because of YOU, men. Yes that's right, it's all on you. However, there's hope! It's so easy to turn it around and be the hero that saved this sweet and sexy day!
     I have already told my man that getting a box of chocolates is a huge turn off. What a brat huh? Honestly though, how absolutely unoriginal is a box of chocolates. It screams "I knew you'd be pissed if I didn't get you something, so I went with these." Nothing like a box of chocolates on Valentines Day to make you feel like all the other ladies in the world. I love a gift that carries some type of significant connection to my relationship with someone. A gift that says "I thought of us when I saw this," or "I remembered you said you wanted this," or even a gift that strays from the usual stuffed animal, chocolate, roses etc.
     I guess I was spoiled when I was younger. My dad would get my sister and I gifts for Valentine's Day, so it's a big let down to get a gift from some guy that a gift from my dad out shined 10 years ago.  Guys, let me tell you how to get the most out of your Valentine's Day. Unless this is a brand new relationship (and by brand new I mean almost secret admirer status), stay away from Walmart, CVS, Walgreens, your local grocery store, etc. Spend at least 1 or 2 hours thinking, JUST THINKING, about what to get your special lady. Think about what makes her different from your past relationships, or what makes her shine brighter in your eyes in a room full of people, or why you have especially appreciated her in your life recently.
     Come on guys you can do this, it's not difficult. You can think about it in the shower, while you're dropping a load, while you're pumping iron, or before you go to sleep. Then, once you've put a measly 2 hrs of thought in, spend at least 1 hour shopping for something significant. It can be big or small, expensive or free, edible or not. Just make sure it's something that has a direct connection with your relationship. Good luck! Go get em' gents!




DISCLAIMER: Last Valentine's Day was one of the most wonderful I have experienced. My man gave me flowers, a hair straightener, his led zeppelin t-shirt, and took me for a beer and some awesome sushi!


     The hair straightener was bought because he had dropped mine when he was goofing off in my bathroom, touching everything that doesn't belong to him (as he usually does). I had complained that it never worked quite the same after it took that tumble.


     The led zeppelin t-shirt was from an episode of "That 70's Show" that we were watching one night. My man isn't that fond of expressing emotions, or being overly romantic and gooshy. So when we saw Hyde give Jackie his favorite Led Zeppelin shirt for her birthday, I teasingly said, "you'd never do something that romantic huh?" Giving me HIS favorite Led Zeppelin t-shirt definitely reassured me that he is truly living with me in all those quiet moments and that I'm not alone on this adventure. (although....a couple weeks later he did ask for it back.....ah well.)


     I did get the cliche flowers and candy along with my presents. But even those had a special touch. Every package of candy I got had one piece either missing or with a bite taken out of it. It was probably my favorite part about all of the gifts, because it was so familiar. He's alway taking bites out of my food. It just reminded me that the gifts truly came from him.

My Cab Driver is Better Than Yours.

      I will never forget the night I met the coolest cab driver in Savannah. It was a warm night downtown in Savannah, August 2010. I had just gotten into a little fight with my boyfriend at Sweet Melissa's, while we were awaiting our 3AM pizza. We won't go into the fight because it includes another person with whom I have since cleared things up with. (No need to rehash). However, I will tell you the fight ended with me explaining to my man "If you want to stay here then you stay, but I'm leaving, and I won't forget your decision." Of course, sticking to our normal routine we were perfectly fine the next morning. I forgave hime for not speaking up and he forgave me for worrying him by disappearing downtown leaving him with my cell phone and no way to find if I'm safe. Needless to say, we were all intoxicated.
     Drunk and heated, I only gave him 2 seconds to respond before I spun around and fled the scene. As my hot, vodka filled, tears beaded down my face, I pushed forward walking block after block, not excluding shady back alleys. Finally, when I began to sober up, I realized I couldn't wander around downtown all night. I was sick of hearing the wannabe "Nights in Shining Armor" telling me that I'd be much prettier if I smiled, or that they would never make me cry. These pick up lines, annoying enough themselves were followed by either a 3 minute stalking session, or a plea to "get those digits girl." What is it about a drunk crying girl that gets you guys all in a tizzy? A bit slimy, gents.
     Finally, my journey was over. I had spotted my TRUE Knight In Shining Armor waiting for me. He was an older gentleman with shaggy grey hair. Leaning against his yellow, metal, steed; he welcomed me with a smile and asked if I needed a ride. "Yes, yes I do actually." I would have been happy with a simple ride, but this was one rad dude. We talked about life, Savannah, music, etc. He had a kind of hippie-ish mellow voice and with every "yeah dude" or "totally" my blood began to cool from boiling back down to body temp. As I paid him, got out of his cab and turned to say goodbye, I assured him that I would be telling all of my friends how awesome he really is.
     I was true to my word, my friends and I call him all the time. I have handed out about a dozen of his cards and talk about him whenever the subjects of cabs or drunk driving come up. He takes me and my friend Natalia downtown every weekend. He picks us up from lunch. He takes us to work and guitar lessons. If you call him he will be there with minutes to spare. He never fusses if we keep him waiting a few minutes for a last minute drink, wardrobe change, or even a trip to the potty! Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's been a little over a year since I first met him, and I still know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Henry Hilliard is truly the most fabulous cab driver in Savannah. If you ever need a ride in Savannah GA call (912) 234-6006.