The men (boys rather) who scurry frantically from bar to bar searching for the night's unlucky and unsuspecting "ass" to take home.
The ones who think "hey girl come here" will ACTUALLY get you a number (well from a respectable girl).
The pigs who consider a great compliment to be phrases like the simple, "Damn" to the more descriptive, "Ohhh girl the things I could do to you!"
You've done it! You've just made two gorgeous girls (alright so I'm being vain...bite me), PRETEND to be gay for each other to avoid any further remarks from you. Yes, you are THAT annoying. We'd rather suffer rumors from those gossip girls. Yeah, those girls who also frequent downtown and take notes of any juicy, yet completely ignorant, info that they can share with anyone who is bored enough to listen.
Last Friday, my friend Rebecca and I went downtown. We were just looking to have a few drinks, dance, and chitchat about life. She lives in Florida so it's a treat when she's in town and we get to spend time together. At first is was a wonderful time. We were just enjoying savannah and bar hopping with an awesome pal, David White! You let us have our fun at the bars (I guess in a crowd we remain unapproachable). But you just couldn't let us have a nice walk and talk to our car could you? After all, that's when you strike.
Let me give you a hint for next time: If it's 3 AM and the bars have closed, but YOU still haven't managed to close a deal....go home get some rest.....practice in the mirror.....and try again tomorrow. I say this simply because if you haven't set yourself up for anything by 3AM, this means you OBVIOUSLY will not be closing the deal with any good looking (not drugged or trashed) girl who is just trying to make it to her car.
This is why you may or may not have seen my friend Rebecca and I telling random men on the street we were in a relationship, or have seen us holding hands, or attempting a fake make-out to prove our lesbian love for each other. Sadly the truth is that if YOU were all we had to chose from, well... we probably would date each other.
I'll end on some advice for you:
- Introducing yourself is good
- Starting a conversation with "Can I get your number" is bad (STALKER)
- "Wow you girls are gorgeous" is good. However, don't expect me to jump in your car over that...and if you don't get more than a smile and a "Thank you" DO NOT resort to calling me names. Instead, be smart. Walk away with a good attitude, if I see you next time I may be more open to talking to you.
- Any reference to sex is bad!!!! Any good looking girl, worth anything, isn't worried about finding sex or a relationship...so don't make that your number one attribute.
- Grabbing a girl is bad. Ummmm who are you? And what makes you think you can touch me?....ever...
- Humping me from behind while I'm dancing with my friend is bad. Again if I wanted that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be wasting my time on a dance floor....also it's very dangerous for you....we've been known to throw drinks and kick.
There are so many more tips, but If you start with these I'm sure it'll help you steer clear of the nasty girl snags and the smacks in the face. Unless you want a less than desirable girl. If that IS all you're looking for then please learn what they look like. They're the ones showing their underwear, falling over drunk, and slurring the words "I love you," "take me home" and "I'm gonna be sick" all at once. NOT MY FRIEND OR I.
I must say....we would make a pretty hot couple though =)
