Yes, yes, I used to be "that girl" in high school. I wasn't socially awkward or categorized as "unpopular." I had plenty of friends, but I was an easy target for those suffering with hidden insecurities. I was the perfect person to transfer pain to, because I gave them instant gratification paid in full. I was easily hurt by digs and the catty game...and showed it clear as day all over my face. Now? Not so much.
I know who I am. Even through my struggles I still manage to enjoy everyday...a lot. I have my insecurities, like any woman. However, I know who I am, and I'm pretty damn content with myself. Not in a cocky way. I mean I think it's pretty sweet to be able to say "If I were you, I'd want to be my friend." If you don't think you deserve that then why are you making your friends suffer?....Be a hermit if you think you suck that bad, R.I.P. Led, Zeppelin, and Marley (See "My Friend Gave me Crabs" to get this reference). Anyways, enough self love, back to the topic.
Listen up ladies who specialize in condescending remarks, bitchy digs, and patronizing sarcasm. You're sad. The only thing your comments do is bring even more attention to me and away from you. Since I do know who I am, I have no fear of the attention or gossip.
I'm a veteran of surviving rumors and shit talk. You'd be surprised how fast things get corrected and blow over when I sit back and let you do all the talking. My actions always defend me and force people to eventually see the truth. Unfortunately for you, your talking just starts to annoy people.
You can't make me feel insecure either. Making sure to let me know that you are taking a dig at me only brings to my attention that you feel I'm someone you want to "take down a notch." I've gone through all sorts of different types of reactions to these situations. I've felt bad about myself (at a younger age). I've given you a huge reaction or tried to make a dig back at you. I've felt bad for you and tried things like downplaying an outfit, or keeping quiet a little more. I've gone out of my way to compliment you and point out your attributes.
All of these have been failing options. So now I play dumb. It doesn't waste my time. It doesn't annoy other people with petty drama. And yes, it still may even leave you with a little hope that somewhere in my confidence you have made an impact. I've never understood how trying to hurt other people can make someone feel better about themselves. I find much more happiness in being responsible for the smiles around me and the confidence emitting from my friends or any random person who's company I'm in. However, I feel bad for those damaged to the point of needing to see pain in others. I guess do what you have to do to face yourself everyday and hopefully one day you'll see your own beauty (inner and outer) and find refuge in that instead.
Thanks for sharing love. Beautifully written.
ReplyDeletexoxox
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You've a gorgeous penchant for writing. I can honestly say I'm never into these sorts of blogs, but there's something intimately charming about the way you write. I mean, this just popped up as a snippet in my dashboard and I felt totally compelled to read the rest.
ReplyDeleteWoah, on a side note. It took me three attempts to properly translate the Capctha box, necessary to post this comment. I think I'm going blind.