What is in a true friend? This has been on my mind a lot recently because I am in a new city and currently networking and making new friends. Anyways, just thought I'd outline a few things to have a more clear grasp on the type of people I want to invest time in and surround myself by. This isn't just so I can weed out people though. I also, as anyone, could always use a reminding of the type of friend I want to be. No one is perfect and we all will make mistakes in relationships and friendships, but it's nice to have the person in mind that you are striving to be everyday.
1. Loyalty would have to be my number one quality in a friend. I think it should be the base of everything. I want to know that no matter what presents itself my friend will always strive to keep the best interest of my reputation in mind. I would never expect a friend to go agains their own opinions. I want to be secure that I will be supported even if I'm not agreed with. Something as simple as "Well in my opinion...blah blah, but I know my friend and I'm sure she has a good reason for her own opinion" is such an easy way to stay true to oneself while simultaneously having your friend's back. I am a ride or die type friend, if you wrong my friend....I will NOT be happy. Loyalty is so important to protect yourself from getting manipulated into being pitted against your own friend. I want to know that no matter what gets said my friend will defend me with great strength. It would be ideal for my friend to be so obviously a "ride or die friend" that people don't even feel comfortable saying anything negative about me in front of them.
2. Trust. Where can you go with a friendship if you can't trust what your friend is saying. I want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when my friend recalls an event to me that there is no manipulation involved. I want to know the facts no matter what. I don't even think this needs much more explaination....it's such a simple and obvious concept.
3. It's very important to me that my friends have a sensitive and genuine understanding of who I am. I'm willing to share and expect acceptance of what my goals are, what my weaknesses are, what I'm selfconscious about, what makes me happy, what makes me mad, what annoys me, and on and on. If my friend is going to be loyal ^ then it's important they are aware of these things. I want to know that in a social setting they won't inadvertantly put me down about something that truly affects me. Also, it's so nice to have a friend that can read a situation and assist me in avoiding things that could potentially really upset me or hurt me. I consider this being an ACTIVE friend. Not just sitting back and enjoying times together, but instead being present and aware of the moments and doing what we can to enhance our times together and make them the best times we can have.
4. No matter the distance between or lack of contact, I want to know my friend is my friend and they've signed on for the long haul. I can think of a few friends who I am so lucky to have that unfortunately I haven't been able to speak with for a while. At the end of the day, however, I know they are still there (as I am for them) and that feeling of security is amazing.
Again, we all make mistakes and I don't expect my friends to be perfect all the time. If you screw up there's the expectation that you will apologize....and not do it again. As a friend you should be forgiving and understanding. However, if the screw ups come from bad intentions then I am very quick to cut people out of my life or lose interest in being around them. I really go off of vibes from people. If I think your heart is in the right place then I'm quick to trust you and open up about almost anything to you. I try really hard to live by these expectations but I'm sure sometimes I drop the ball. I'm very quick to apologize and explain any reasonings for my screw ups. I love my friends dearly and am really looking forward to creating more friends here in my new home.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
My Mammy, Rose Smoak
Please keep my Mammy in your prayers. She has said enough prayers for others to deserve a flood of them for herself.
My Mammy is the perfect example of a strong matriarch. She is graceful, demure, caring, bold, and has an unbelievable strength you have to be around to even begin to comprehend. She is a survivor and a loyal person to God, her family, and her friends.
She survived her new husband going off to war. She became a sister/mother figure to her niece when her sister passed. She helped raised two beautiful daughters with her true love, my grandfather. She survived gallbladder cancer as a mother. She helped to raise a number of grandchildren and grand nieces. She stayed strong in a beautiful marriage for 69 (and still counting) years. A few years ago she even survived being dead for 2 minutes after fluid had built up in her lungs from congestive heart failure. At 90 years old I remember my grandmother out surviving my sister, mother and I on an all day shopping spree....WE had to tell her we were to tired to keep going!
Recently she has been going blind. I think the hardest think to witness was her discontent with just sitting back and letting us do for her. For so many years, she has done so much for her family from cooking, to giving the best advice, to just living life as a beautiful example to us all. About a week ago we had to call hospice for her. At 94 years old, she made us promise "No more hospitals." As hard as it is to hear that, we all understand and support her %100. Anything else would be selfish.
All the nurses that come in rave about how much love is around her, and how she is so lucky to be so well cared for by so many family members. What I think they don't understand is that, luck has nothing to do with the love that surrounds her. She built this support system and this love that envelopes her now with every kind word she spoke, every hug she gave, every shoulder she lent for a good cry, every time she provided heart felt advice, among all the other things she has freely given of herself over her 94 years. Naturally, she hasn't stopped providing. I was talking with her the other night about my life and my plans and how I hope to have as good of a life as she made for herself. Her response was wisdom filled and heart felt. She told me "You know when it all started going my way? When I told God that I'll live everyday the best I can and leave all the rest up to him. When you surrender your life to God, he won't let you down."
I know that experiences, friends, other family members, good times and bad times all shape who we are and who we become everyday. I also know that each person in my family is who he/she is because of who my Mammy is and how she lived each day of her life. Rose Smoak is a blessing and I'm so thankful to be a part of the family that she has been unconditionally dedicated to.
Every summer since my mother was a little girl our extended family rents a beach house on Tybee Island, in Savannah, Georgia for a week. (One of many photos taken over the years capturing that to the left) The family begins with my Mammy, my Pappy, and my Nanna and Granddaddy Jack and extends on out to all of my extended cousins on that side. Nanna and Granddaddy Jack (Bless his soul, I know he's been watching us) are really my cousins...who have been more like a second pair of grandparents. We have a surprisingly close extended family. I call a couple of my cousins Aunt and Uncle because that's how close we all are.
To the right is a picture taken at my Aunt's house of my Aunt Helen, Mammy, Pappy, Me and Stella. We were celebrating the Christmas that followed my sister's engagement to Brad Bonner, who is now a part of our family. They recently got to share some exciting news with the family and Mammy....THEY're GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!! This family just keep growing!
This picture was taken as I was reading my birthday card from Mammy. I can't even think of a birthday without anticipating getting Mammy and Pappy's present. She always carefully selects the card. She may not know it, but there is always an important message in there that I need to hear. Not to mention, they know just what to get me...money! She always said "We give you money because we want to make sure you get EXACTLY what you want."
Mammy, Me and Pappy before going to see my cousin Jordan in her ballet recital.
Mammy, Pappy, Mom, Dad and I visited Stella and Brad when they had just moved to Augusta. Outside of church after mass on a Sunday.
Stella and I out to dinner with Mammy and Pappy.
This past year Beach Week 2011. Mammy, Pappy, my cousin Riley and I out on the porch.
Mammy and I at the beauty parlor September 2011. Even at 94 she has still been making regular trips to the beauty shop!
My Mammy is the perfect example of a strong matriarch. She is graceful, demure, caring, bold, and has an unbelievable strength you have to be around to even begin to comprehend. She is a survivor and a loyal person to God, her family, and her friends.
She survived her new husband going off to war. She became a sister/mother figure to her niece when her sister passed. She helped raised two beautiful daughters with her true love, my grandfather. She survived gallbladder cancer as a mother. She helped to raise a number of grandchildren and grand nieces. She stayed strong in a beautiful marriage for 69 (and still counting) years. A few years ago she even survived being dead for 2 minutes after fluid had built up in her lungs from congestive heart failure. At 90 years old I remember my grandmother out surviving my sister, mother and I on an all day shopping spree....WE had to tell her we were to tired to keep going!
Recently she has been going blind. I think the hardest think to witness was her discontent with just sitting back and letting us do for her. For so many years, she has done so much for her family from cooking, to giving the best advice, to just living life as a beautiful example to us all. About a week ago we had to call hospice for her. At 94 years old, she made us promise "No more hospitals." As hard as it is to hear that, we all understand and support her %100. Anything else would be selfish.
All the nurses that come in rave about how much love is around her, and how she is so lucky to be so well cared for by so many family members. What I think they don't understand is that, luck has nothing to do with the love that surrounds her. She built this support system and this love that envelopes her now with every kind word she spoke, every hug she gave, every shoulder she lent for a good cry, every time she provided heart felt advice, among all the other things she has freely given of herself over her 94 years. Naturally, she hasn't stopped providing. I was talking with her the other night about my life and my plans and how I hope to have as good of a life as she made for herself. Her response was wisdom filled and heart felt. She told me "You know when it all started going my way? When I told God that I'll live everyday the best I can and leave all the rest up to him. When you surrender your life to God, he won't let you down."
I know that experiences, friends, other family members, good times and bad times all shape who we are and who we become everyday. I also know that each person in my family is who he/she is because of who my Mammy is and how she lived each day of her life. Rose Smoak is a blessing and I'm so thankful to be a part of the family that she has been unconditionally dedicated to.
To the right is a picture taken at my Aunt's house of my Aunt Helen, Mammy, Pappy, Me and Stella. We were celebrating the Christmas that followed my sister's engagement to Brad Bonner, who is now a part of our family. They recently got to share some exciting news with the family and Mammy....THEY're GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!! This family just keep growing!
This picture was taken as I was reading my birthday card from Mammy. I can't even think of a birthday without anticipating getting Mammy and Pappy's present. She always carefully selects the card. She may not know it, but there is always an important message in there that I need to hear. Not to mention, they know just what to get me...money! She always said "We give you money because we want to make sure you get EXACTLY what you want."
Mammy, Me and Pappy before going to see my cousin Jordan in her ballet recital.
Mammy, Pappy, Mom, Dad and I visited Stella and Brad when they had just moved to Augusta. Outside of church after mass on a Sunday.
Stella and I out to dinner with Mammy and Pappy.
This past year Beach Week 2011. Mammy, Pappy, my cousin Riley and I out on the porch.
Mammy and I at the beauty parlor September 2011. Even at 94 she has still been making regular trips to the beauty shop!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Back to the Basics
I have deleted a lot of my postings from my blog. No worries, friends, they're all saved somewhere else. It's not that I want to erase these memories from my life, I couldn't if I tried. I just feel, for now, it's time for Helen Patterson to get back to the basics. I have moved back to Charleston, SC to be close to family and start saving some money and go back to FINISH school. I want it over with. I have certainly had my fun and divulged in the glamorous distractions that can attract a 22 year old such as myself. This time in my life was not a waste, it was with so many lessons that just wouldn't have sunk in to my hard head any other way. I experienced things that have allowed my curious soul to finally rest. I'm ready now for the next level. I'm ready to not only be independent, but I'm ready to be financially stable. I'm ready to start making investments, not just splurging on immediate satisfaction. Awwww, how cute....Helen's growing up! Anyways, this is a struggle for my impatient and impulsive spirit. I have by no means perfected this lifestyle and it is still completely new to me. However, I stand by my earlier comment....I'm ready. It's a day by day, step by step process. Wish me luck and I will keep you updated!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Shoo Fly, Don't Bother Me
I swatted a fly with a rolled up magazine today. As I shrunk back in horror, my eyes grew big with trepidation. I immediately wanted to take back my fatal swat. There he was, smooshed all over my friend's window (sorry Natalia). It all happened so fast. I felt awful. I still feel awful. I guess this was my first fly kill in my life, or the first one I paid attention to.
I immediately thought about my fancy green fly swatter I have in my house, the one with the bright pink flower. Why make a pretty fly swatter? Is it to distract you from the smeared bug guts all over your counter, window, or wall?
I know this was a pointless post, but I was extremely disturbed by this incident today. So now, here I sit doing research on the computer with the remnants of my murder still smeared across the window (again, Sorry Natalia). His poor fly brother is still buzzing around annoying me. Don't worry little fly, I'm going to suffer through it. I couldn't stand the guilt of another fly soul on my hands.
I immediately thought about my fancy green fly swatter I have in my house, the one with the bright pink flower. Why make a pretty fly swatter? Is it to distract you from the smeared bug guts all over your counter, window, or wall?
I know this was a pointless post, but I was extremely disturbed by this incident today. So now, here I sit doing research on the computer with the remnants of my murder still smeared across the window (again, Sorry Natalia). His poor fly brother is still buzzing around annoying me. Don't worry little fly, I'm going to suffer through it. I couldn't stand the guilt of another fly soul on my hands.
Movin On Up!
Congratulations to my friend Natalia! I will never forget watching you push through school! I'm so happy that I got to be your friend for the last 3 years of your college career! What an unbelievable inspiration! What a wonderful example of dedication and perseverance! Don't ever let anyone try to put you down. Keep riding the high of this accomplishment!I don't care if it sounds boastful, if you want to mention that you earned 3 degrees in 4 years of college.....you go right ahead...you've earned the right. Girls may be jealous, and it's natural. It's what people do with that jealousy that will determine if they're worth sharing your time with. Keep doing the Natalia dance through life, it's serving you well. People will judge, make jealous digs, try to bring you to their level only to feel some sort of accomplishment of their own. Fight it, hold your head high! You are an inspiration in so many different ways to your friends. Congratulations and Good luck love!
I met Natalia outside of her last test at Armstrong Atlantic State University with balloons and champagne, naturally. We popped champagne in the parking lot and yelled obnoxiously of course. I topped it all off with pouring the champagne right in the new college grads mouth! Then we got out of there because we didn't want to get Natalia in trouble only a few days from her graduation!
Natalia and I celebrating at Macdonough's later that night! We had a rough patch for about 10 minutes but recovered quickly, as champions do! I remember walking into Macdonough's and hearing people say "Umm sweetheart, you're friend is done." My response, drink your beer she's got more party in her. A little spinach artichoke dip later, and we were blowing up karaoke! It was her night, she spent four years working hard at school....so my sentiments were "she can do whatever she liiiiike." So glad we had a great night, just have to know where to escape!
I met Natalia outside of her last test at Armstrong Atlantic State University with balloons and champagne, naturally. We popped champagne in the parking lot and yelled obnoxiously of course. I topped it all off with pouring the champagne right in the new college grads mouth! Then we got out of there because we didn't want to get Natalia in trouble only a few days from her graduation!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
My Girl's Got a Girlfriend
Hats off to you, you downtown Savannah gentlemen. You know who you are:
The men (boys rather) who scurry frantically from bar to bar searching for the night's unlucky and unsuspecting "ass" to take home.
The ones who think "hey girl come here" will ACTUALLY get you a number (well from a respectable girl).
The pigs who consider a great compliment to be phrases like the simple, "Damn" to the more descriptive, "Ohhh girl the things I could do to you!"
You've done it! You've just made two gorgeous girls (alright so I'm being vain...bite me), PRETEND to be gay for each other to avoid any further remarks from you. Yes, you are THAT annoying. We'd rather suffer rumors from those gossip girls. Yeah, those girls who also frequent downtown and take notes of any juicy, yet completely ignorant, info that they can share with anyone who is bored enough to listen.
Last Friday, my friend Rebecca and I went downtown. We were just looking to have a few drinks, dance, and chitchat about life. She lives in Florida so it's a treat when she's in town and we get to spend time together. At first is was a wonderful time. We were just enjoying savannah and bar hopping with an awesome pal, David White! You let us have our fun at the bars (I guess in a crowd we remain unapproachable). But you just couldn't let us have a nice walk and talk to our car could you? After all, that's when you strike.
Let me give you a hint for next time: If it's 3 AM and the bars have closed, but YOU still haven't managed to close a deal....go home get some rest.....practice in the mirror.....and try again tomorrow. I say this simply because if you haven't set yourself up for anything by 3AM, this means you OBVIOUSLY will not be closing the deal with any good looking (not drugged or trashed) girl who is just trying to make it to her car.
This is why you may or may not have seen my friend Rebecca and I telling random men on the street we were in a relationship, or have seen us holding hands, or attempting a fake make-out to prove our lesbian love for each other. Sadly the truth is that if YOU were all we had to chose from, well... we probably would date each other.
I'll end on some advice for you:
- Introducing yourself is good
- Starting a conversation with "Can I get your number" is bad (STALKER)
- "Wow you girls are gorgeous" is good. However, don't expect me to jump in your car over that...and if you don't get more than a smile and a "Thank you" DO NOT resort to calling me names. Instead, be smart. Walk away with a good attitude, if I see you next time I may be more open to talking to you.
- Any reference to sex is bad!!!! Any good looking girl, worth anything, isn't worried about finding sex or a relationship...so don't make that your number one attribute.
- Grabbing a girl is bad. Ummmm who are you? And what makes you think you can touch me?....ever...
- Humping me from behind while I'm dancing with my friend is bad. Again if I wanted that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be wasting my time on a dance floor....also it's very dangerous for you....we've been known to throw drinks and kick.
There are so many more tips, but If you start with these I'm sure it'll help you steer clear of the nasty girl snags and the smacks in the face. Unless you want a less than desirable girl. If that IS all you're looking for then please learn what they look like. They're the ones showing their underwear, falling over drunk, and slurring the words "I love you," "take me home" and "I'm gonna be sick" all at once. NOT MY FRIEND OR I.
I must say....we would make a pretty hot couple though =)
Rebecca and I (Seed Lounge)
The men (boys rather) who scurry frantically from bar to bar searching for the night's unlucky and unsuspecting "ass" to take home.
The ones who think "hey girl come here" will ACTUALLY get you a number (well from a respectable girl).
The pigs who consider a great compliment to be phrases like the simple, "Damn" to the more descriptive, "Ohhh girl the things I could do to you!"
You've done it! You've just made two gorgeous girls (alright so I'm being vain...bite me), PRETEND to be gay for each other to avoid any further remarks from you. Yes, you are THAT annoying. We'd rather suffer rumors from those gossip girls. Yeah, those girls who also frequent downtown and take notes of any juicy, yet completely ignorant, info that they can share with anyone who is bored enough to listen.
Last Friday, my friend Rebecca and I went downtown. We were just looking to have a few drinks, dance, and chitchat about life. She lives in Florida so it's a treat when she's in town and we get to spend time together. At first is was a wonderful time. We were just enjoying savannah and bar hopping with an awesome pal, David White! You let us have our fun at the bars (I guess in a crowd we remain unapproachable). But you just couldn't let us have a nice walk and talk to our car could you? After all, that's when you strike.
Let me give you a hint for next time: If it's 3 AM and the bars have closed, but YOU still haven't managed to close a deal....go home get some rest.....practice in the mirror.....and try again tomorrow. I say this simply because if you haven't set yourself up for anything by 3AM, this means you OBVIOUSLY will not be closing the deal with any good looking (not drugged or trashed) girl who is just trying to make it to her car.
This is why you may or may not have seen my friend Rebecca and I telling random men on the street we were in a relationship, or have seen us holding hands, or attempting a fake make-out to prove our lesbian love for each other. Sadly the truth is that if YOU were all we had to chose from, well... we probably would date each other.
I'll end on some advice for you:
- Introducing yourself is good
- Starting a conversation with "Can I get your number" is bad (STALKER)
- "Wow you girls are gorgeous" is good. However, don't expect me to jump in your car over that...and if you don't get more than a smile and a "Thank you" DO NOT resort to calling me names. Instead, be smart. Walk away with a good attitude, if I see you next time I may be more open to talking to you.
- Any reference to sex is bad!!!! Any good looking girl, worth anything, isn't worried about finding sex or a relationship...so don't make that your number one attribute.
- Grabbing a girl is bad. Ummmm who are you? And what makes you think you can touch me?....ever...
- Humping me from behind while I'm dancing with my friend is bad. Again if I wanted that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be wasting my time on a dance floor....also it's very dangerous for you....we've been known to throw drinks and kick.
There are so many more tips, but If you start with these I'm sure it'll help you steer clear of the nasty girl snags and the smacks in the face. Unless you want a less than desirable girl. If that IS all you're looking for then please learn what they look like. They're the ones showing their underwear, falling over drunk, and slurring the words "I love you," "take me home" and "I'm gonna be sick" all at once. NOT MY FRIEND OR I.
I must say....we would make a pretty hot couple though =)
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